


The Confession You'll Never Hear

by Taste_of_Suburbia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst Gabriel, Dreams, Hurt Gabriel, Hurt/Comfort, Keane, M/M, Murder, Romance, Suicide, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-10
Updated: 2012-10-10
Packaged: 2017-11-16 02:05:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_of_Suburbia/pseuds/Taste_of_Suburbia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shut your eyes because I don’t want you to see. It’s not your fault. Run. Survive. Leave me, because I love you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Confession You'll Never Hear

**Author's Note:**

> Gabriel/Dean (Could be one-sided, might not be; depends on the perspective of the reader)  
> An alternate take on the Season 5 episode ‘Hammer of the Gods’. Something a little bit different, don’t read if you can’t handle massive angst and tragedy.  
> I hope this isn’t too cheesy or OOC or anything. I just couldn’t get it out of my head, including the style in which it’s written in, and therefore had to write it before I literally exploded. I actually couldn’t stop crying during the entire time of writing this, even after when I was ready to upload, but I just had to finish it and send it off to the readers after all. College and the homework involved with it has been really crazy and stressful lately, which is why I haven’t been writing and editing so much, but I plan to get some stuff that’s overdue up soon. Anyway... hope you at least enjoy it just a little bit.
> 
>  _Soundtrack:_ Inspiration from Snow Patrol’s ‘Shut Your Eyes’. Though I also drew inspiration heavily from Coldplay’s ‘X &Y’ and Keane’s ‘We Might As Well Be Strangers’. Lyrics are from the latter.

_~We might as well be strangers in another town  
We might as well be living in another time  
We might as well, we might as well...~_

_Shut your eyes because I don't want you to see._

_Don't want you to see the peaceful, carefree world you could have had ripped away from you. Can't have you feeling the wonderful presence of it inside you shrink away and leave behind a terribly dark gaping hole._

The one thing left, the one thing I should be doing now is looking deep into those hazel eyes and adoring beyond all understanding the owner of them. The human who sets my world alight, who makes long hidden empathy and trust pour out of me so I can give it all to him. He distracts me, drives me crazy but I cherish him with every breath I take. He will be the last thing I remember, the last vision played out in my head with a smile on my face. 

_So please, just shut your eyes and think of something else. Before it's time to go, try to remember the dreams you had of you and I; holding hands because chick flick moments didn't concern you anymore, smiling because you couldn't hold it back even if you wanted to. The fingers we entwined in the dark, when we whispered words of love and they meant everything not only in the moment but after. None of it happened but pretending isn’t just for the weak. I can’t accept not dreaming of you._

_Shut your eyes, tell me you love me. It's not your fault._

_This is the one thing you need not blame yourself for, this is my chance, my opportunity to protect you from those that would seek to harm you and shine gloriously in doing so. You are my mate, the one I have searched for for so long, and I will never stop adoring you._

He thinks it’s Sam; Sam that I keep my gaze locked on and hopes set towards. If he could guess it to be anyone it would be Sam, and I just can’t bear to have him think that but it’s too late now. I can’t speak, I just tell him to go because it means he will survive. He will survive even if I don’t. I look desperately into his eyes, staring my deep dark, tantalizing secret straight in the face and I urge him to see it, to see how much I care for him. He doesn’t get it. Maybe he never will. 

_Shut your eyes, it’s okay that you’re dense. Nothing will change my opinion of you. You uproot my world, and I give into your whims without you even realizing it._

_I know you’ll try to tell me that you said it all wrong, but don’t. You changed my whole perspective on things, made me realize that you can’t escape your family even though it’s the easy way out. I would have had to face them sooner or later, running doesn’t suit me much anyway. So I don’t want you to look back on it all and hate yourself for it, because you were absolutely right, every single word. I just wish I could have told you, before you left. You tore my entire world away, you opened up my eyes and my heart. You changed me, and I can’t even deny that it was all for the better._

I have to tell him how much he means to me, he has to know but it’s far too late in the game now. He walked away; he didn’t give me a chance to talk, to tell him I’ll do anything if he just gives me one beautiful night. Like we even had that in the first place. If he knows though, it will haunt him more than words can say. There is no haunting look on his face as he slams the car door shut; he can’t possibly know... but then it’s there, when I tell him to go. There’s confusion and that minuscule emotion hovering unsteadily beneath it but I can see it. He knows what I’m doing; exactly what he told me to do, what he wanted more than anything for me to do. ‘Well, Dean Winchester,’ I think, ‘I’m doing it for you, you stupid idiot. I’m doing it all for you.’

He doesn’t tell me to stop. I don’t want him to; I want him to live. I want him to remember me exactly in this moment, not what came before. Not the mistakes I made, the lies I told; slipped past lips of denial and reciprocated by eyes of deceit and inexcusable humor. He won’t remember, probably never even noticed the eyes that sometimes couldn’t help but look away, fearing I’d give myself away to him with just a glance. He was always so wrapped up in his own little world though, all mind and energy paid to his brother, into protecting him from the evils and demons of the world and finding some crazy, impossible way for the both of them to survive. Well, now I’m giving it to them. I’m giving him his ideal, perfect life. 

He’ll just never know the love I could have given him. The true lengths I would have gone to keep him alive. Now, all he gets is a taste. 

_So just shut your eyes and try not to think of all we could have been together. The love we could have shared, the bonds we could have formed, the miracle of human and archangel colliding with passion; consuming everything around the two of us._

_Shut your eyes and maybe someday you’ll just remember us as strangers. Maybe it’ll be less painful. Grief and guilt won’t consume you if I find some way to whisper to you in your dreams, because by then I will only be a fragment. You will live with Sam and you will be ‘just frigging peachy’ and I promise you this. You will be happy. Even if it is the end of me._

I think of him as my world slowly starts to fade, as I force my eyes to close so I can try to see him, exactly as he was barely a few minutes before; scared and confused and I love everything about him. How could I not? My brother suddenly isn’t there anymore; I don’t want him to be there and so he’s not. There’s only a place reserved for Dean now, no one else can fit, that’s how big, how important he is to me. Vital enough to not care about what happens to little old me. 

_Shut your eyes and don’t worry about a thing._

_Run. Survive. Leave me, because I love you. And I do not regret falling so impossibly fast and hard for you._

He tells me to close my eyes and not give a damn about the end result. He smiles at me and I smile back. I can’t imagine a world where he’s not there, where his smile doesn’t light up my entire being, can’t imagine his brilliantly beautiful face not constantly, gracefully hovering above me. This is all I need from him now; being right here, not leaving me to finish living alone. He won’t abandon me as I draw my final breaths, as my wings disintegrate and turn to ash and dust. As I seem to shrink away from him, always reaching for one final touch of his skin that seems to melt right into my own, warming me. I want to thank him, congratulate him on being the only person able to get through to me, for being the object of my love. 

How could a human do this to me? I never would have suspected it and it feels... it feels amazing to me. I want to scream it to my brother, to the entire world around me, but his hazel eyes hold me so tightly I can’t breathe. _I love you._

I love you too. 

_I know._

_Shut your eyes and promise never to forget me, because I will never forget you. And more than anything, I wish I could have taken you with me; to a heaven you’d love, or have just been able to remain, my heart and head locked tightly to yours. Maybe someday we’ll catch up to one another and laugh and joke and deny that we’re crying tears of joy and relief even though we really are. Maybe one day... All’s I know is, I’m planning to always keep this confession wrapped up tightly inside of me, waiting, patiently waiting, for you to unwrap it and swallow me whole._

**FIN**


End file.
